Stealing Mike Tyson’s Tiger

Finding a baby, throwing a mattress off the roof, and being attacked by an angry naked Asian guy where not part of this weekend! Well… I don’t remember those parts if they were.

(Those of you who HAVE watched “The Hangover” help out those who haven’t)

The Estonians and I gave our first go at going to the pub. We had a few drinks at the house first, and they taught me an Estonian drinking game. One which I shall now enlighten all of you on:

Step 1 – get a deck of cards and ensure they are properly shuffled

Step 2 – pick which direction you are going to go

Step 3 – make sure everyone has a full glass of whatever they are drinking
The cards:

Ace – place the card on your forehead without adding any form of moisture to aid in its adhesive quality and take 5 sips, should the card fall, commence the process over again.

2 thru 6 – the person who draws this card gets to assign the number of sips displayed on the card to any player or combination of players. (Ex. Edward draws #5, assigns Markus and Richard 1 each, and Martin 3)

7 – Is a number game, which I hate. The person who draws this card chooses a number and a word to replace that number. Say Martin chooses number 8 and the word is “what up”, we will go through the numbers skipping anything with an “8” (Ex. 8, 18, 28) or anything divisible by “8” (Ex. 16, 24, 32) when these numbers come up, the person who would normally say the number says the chosen word (in this case “what up”) and the direction reverse back the other way.

8 – A “Waterfall”. Here, the person who drew the card chooses a direction for the waterfall to end. Everyone then takes a continuous drink until the person who drew the card finishes, which then sets off the person next to him to finish, which then ends the person next to him, and so on and so forth until you have reached the last person chosen by the one who drew the card.

9 – Lists. Upon drawing the #9, the person thinks up a topic (Ex. Movies starring one of the 6 cast members of “Friends”) to which everyone would have to list an item that fits on the list (Marley and Me, Madagascar, Lost in Space, Analyze That, etc.) the first person to fail, gets to take the sip.

10 – A new rule! This one can be awesome, or completely terrible. Whoever gets the #10 can create a new rule and delete a previously established rule by another #10 card

Jack – “The Chin Master” (If at a circular table can also work with thumbs). The concept is simple, the last person to draw the Jack receives the title of “Chin Master”, until the is de-throned at any point throughout the game, he may place his hand over his chin (in a style of his choosing) and the last person in the group to realize the covering and mimic his action, fails, and therefore takes a sip.

Queen – “The Question Master”. Along the same lines of “Chin Master” in that, you are in that role until someone else draws the next Queen. Any time the QM asks a question, if someone answers them, they fail, and therefore take a sip, IF HOWEVER! The person catches the trap and replies with “You’re the QM” well, different story… The Question Master then failed, and has to take the sip.

King – There is a mutual cup in the center of the action, anyone who draws the first 3 Kings adds a bit of their own drink to the communal cup at center. The 4th king however, not only ends the game, but the unfortunate soul who draws this card must consume the poisonous concoction contained within.

And so, the new game taught/learned, and played… we headed off to the pub in search of fun and adventure!

We got there a bit earlier than the rest of the crowd, we spotted one small cluster of girls, walked over, Martin taking point, initiated contact with the gaggle with, “Hi Ladies, HHHHAAAAve ya met Ted” and turned towards me. (Those of you who DO watch “How I Met Your Mother” help out those who do NOT). Well, as a matter of fact, the girl closest to me HAD met me, because it was my new adopted cousin Laura. Laura’s friends all flocked over to the Estonians with hugs and hello’s, leaving Laura and me standing to the side totally confused. Turns out my crew met her crew the night
before Australia Day.

The rest of the night was filled with meeting new people, and then dancing with new people. I’d go into details… but I can’t, either cause I don’t want to, or can’t remember. I will say this much, the weekend leading up to my Birthday and kicking off my Birthweek was quite a lot of fun.

In other news! I have completed the 1st trimester of my detoxification process from Pepsi. I am now down to only 2 a day. After discussing the process with my sister… I have decided that during the 2nd trimester I’ll take away 2 Pepsis a week as opposed to only 1. This will accelerate the 2nd trimester, making it last only four weeks instead of seven like the first. I don’t know what I’ll do for the 3rd and last… we’ll see how I take this one.

Australia Day

Celebrate what’s great!

Well, that’s what the commercials say. The Abo’s might say celebrate their demise!

According to Wikipedia, Australia Day is a day celebrating the first English fleet landing on the Southern Continent. In historical terms, it’s the equivalent of Columbus Day, but, in national terms, it’s the closest thing that they have to an Independence Day (since they got the red coats “out” of their country by agreeing to keep the Union Jack on the flag and the Queen on the money).

So, how did I celebrate what’s great?

Well, remember those Estonians I talked about earlier? Well, yesterday at work, we got out way early, so that kinda gave us a lot more time to hang out and stuff and we ended up learning about some Koala reservation in Narrandera (a town about 20 minutes south east of Leeton). We thought this would make for a great adventure. And so, the great explorer Belton with his new team of Estonians set out for adventure! (and Koalas)

I followed the directions, and we get to a network of dirt roads, and then… it is time to make a choice, I go left.

I don’t want to say that I took a wrong turn, because, really, I simply took a turn which ADDED to the experience of exploration.

Our first encounter with the wildlife came in the form of a group of horses. At first it was all… “oh, hey guys, look at the horses…”



Then it became… “oh, well, I guess we are going to sit here and wait for them to cross”



Until we noticed one separating from the group:



And then the next thing you know…

OMG!!!



And so… we sat there for awhile… just… ya know… kinda staring at each other.
The horse finally moved out of the road, and we weren’t eaten, and so we drove off.

We saw various birds…



…and a few different Kangaroo and Wallaby troops…



… well… we DID see them… they apparently don’t photograph well. But we did end up chasing them in the car for awhile, until they realized they were kangaroos and could jump anywhere they want, not just next to the road where the stupid people in their car could see them.

We ended up taking a bit of a break from our hunt and check out the river.



Then! We finally got to the reserve. So, we started walking around hunting Koala,
looking around… and looking… and looking…

No Koala

But! A cool looking tree.





And so we walked onward looking up into the trees in search of wild Koala



…we didn’t see any…



Finally… we got back to river.



We decided to head back for the car, but, instead, we decided to dangerously leave the trail, and follow the river back to the car as opposed to returning on the Koala less trail.

Feeling slightly disappointed about the fact that we found no Koalas in the Koala reserve.

Then, I looked up, and saw a neat looking bird, as I told everyone, “GUYS! Check out that bird”, Martin looked up and said…

“Forget the bird! LOOK AT THE KOALA!”

And by golly… there was one!



I thought it would be a great idea to try to join the Koala up in the tree… unfortunately for me and my fat… Markus was MUCH more successful in this plan…



…don’t get me wrong, he still epically failed… but… he was more successful than me.



The Koala changed trees, leaving Markus in the dust, and watching us… probably wondering “when the blazes are these bloody blokes going to F^(% off and leave me alone”



Having had our fun, we returned to the car feeling like victorious explorers, and you know what… WE WHERE!

My birthday is coming up, and now having found some friends of my own (not that they don’t hang out with the family, but, I did find them independently from just leaching off the twins) I can actually say I’m looking forward to it. Another thing I’m looking forward too is partying in their new flat!

After our adventure, we returned home, told the family of the awesomeness that was our trip, and while having a bit of a swim, a guy who my handler (Michael the orange guy) got us in touch with called, and we hurried over to take a look at an apartment that he had available.

Not exactly a place overlooking a grand scenic vista… but, it did have AC, which is quite valuable in a place like this. They got themselves moved in, and came back over for dinner.

And so… a great day, evening, and night was had by all.

A great first Australia Day for me and my new Estonian friends.

Potatoes and Estonians

Tere Sobrad!

Which is Estonian for “hello friends”, we’ll get back to how I know that.

Australian Dirty Job #3

Ok, so after Italian Mass, I went to Maccas (McDonalds) as is the family Sunday morning tradition (it’s like the only place in town, sad kinda) and I get a call from my handler Michael telling me I’ve got a job for the day. Totally the news I wanted to hear. So I call up the guy (another Italian, my day has been full of them) and get the details.

I head home, get changed and suited up for battle against these potatoes. When the potato guy calls me again and says, “oi mate, could you do us a favor? I got three other backpackers staying at the Leeton Hotel that don’t have a car, mind swinging by
and picking them up?”

So, I’m thinking to myself, great, I have NO idea where this place is, I’m already totally running late, and now… now I have to go chase down some other backpackers, and potentially get all of us lost? Ya… that’s awesome.

So, I show up at the Leeton Hotel, running late, and meet these three guys from Estonia. Markus, Richard, and Martin. We head to the place, find it a lot easier than I thought I would. They asked me if I knew what we were going to be doing… all I could tell them was, “Paul and Michael said be ready for a smell”

They couldn’t quite prepare us enough for the wrenched stench which would soon consume our nasal passage and ensue in an all out war against our sense of smell in order to annihilate the memory of everything we once thought of as a good scent.
For an example, go buy some potatoes, leave them in the back corner of a low drawer somewhere for a couple months, let them rot, then open the drawer. Now, if you would like an example of the texture of a rotten potato… go get a red delicious apple and make it (coat lightly with butter and cinnamon/brown sugar first if you want to eat it afterward) once it is baked to the point where you can pull on the stem, and a large chunk of core comes out with it… ya… that’s the texture of an uber-rotten potato.

Ass nasty.

Score another point for the college degree.

I’ll tell you this though, I would still go to that smell hole and work with the people that I did today, then EVER go back to Hell’s Gate vineyard on a nice cool day. But hey, that’s just me. It was a good group of people working that day, an interesting group. Auggie (the guy who runs the potato farm) was a pretty good guy to work for, a lot better than that Rod fellow. After work he drove up with some beer in the back of his ute, we ended up not getting home for like an hour and half after we should have, but that’s ok. The Estonian guys are pretty cool blokes.

More fun with potatoes and Estonians to be had tomorrow!

Mass… in Italiano!

Bon giorrno!

So… I went to Mass today, not because I’m the greatest Catholic in the world, but, because I wanted a chance to practice my Italian. Yes, that’s right, Mass, in Italian. You see, the Griffith-Leeton area is like the little Italy of Australia (at least of New South Wales) and so, with all the Italians in the area, the local parish has a service in Italian every Sunday at 8 am. I had been meaning to go for awhile now, but never really had the energy to wake up for it before.

Anyway, I went, sat all by my lonesome because I obviously don’t know anyone in town (at the 8 am Mass that is). Fortunately for me, they do pass out an order of Mass that has all the words that il Padri says with the responses. It also had a little side note that said whether we where to stand, sit, or kneel during that section.
I think everyone should go to a church service in a language they are learning or practicing, because, when you do so, you actually pay attention and listen to what the speaker has to say, which, I think is something we tune out in English.
And while paying attention, I noticed something about the order of Mass. They read off the names of the sick, the dead, and anyone who needed prayer, then they took offering, and then there was communion. Now… let’s take a closer look at that shall we:

TRUE Christian’s are to tend the sick, they are to take care of those in need. So, when the priest reads off the names of those people who need prayer, you should have them in your mind, and be concerned about these brothers and sisters in Christ. Then, since you have these needs in mind, they take the offering. Why? Well, you see, in a perfect world, the church would be going out and taking care of others, but it of course needs supplies to do so, and in this world we live, money is the best means of getting supplies. So you are supposed to give, with the thought in mind, this money needs to go help the people I just prayed for, because, praying is nice and all, but a lot of times you have to go in yourself, hands on to repair a problem.

The church being hands on is a hot topic with me. For many reasons, that I’ll go into another time.

After Mass, I walked out, and tried making friends with a group of old Italian men. I was speaking in Italian until one guy, tired of watching me suffer just said, “you know kid, we do speak English also”

“well, ya I figured you did, but I need to get practice”

“oh… ya, you could use a lot of practice actually”

Making friends did not seem to be in my favor so far.




Or was it?

The Good Sheppard…

…Is Jesus’ nic-name not mine.

My second dirty job in my series of jobs on this adventure was, as the title suggests herding Paul’s sheep from the Mitchell’s paddock over to… well… the Mitchell’s paddock, but, different generation.

The backyard is much more then what we think of as a backyard; and on the other side of it lays Grandpa & Grandma’s paddock to “mow” their overgrowth.

So, Paul gets the family together, we go out to the paddock and approach the sheep. My first time trying to sheppard a herd of sheep… my predator instinct came in to play, and all I wanted to do for some reason was chase one down, pounce on it, and bite into its neck…

I can’t explain it… I really can’t. I’m not an African tribal member who drinks blood, and I can’t stand the taste of lamb. I don’t know… it was weird to say the very very least.

So anyway, that oddity aside…

I failed… failed miserably. In my defense, we failed as a team… but, it was a fail.
We gave it a good go, but, by the end, we walked off the battlefield tired, dirty, and defeated. I did not want to go down without a fight however; I even almost got in a fight with one of the males I got separated from the rest of the group.

I came to a conclusion in all this:

Calling people as dumb as sheep, is an insult to sheep.

It really kinda made me wonder how good of a Chaplain I would be. I know… that sounds like a weird comparison, but… it is what concerned me. I’d like to think I’m better with people then with sheep… but… people and sheep have a lot in common.

We were trying to move these stupid things to an area with more food for them, and yet, they refused the change to stay in the dry area that they where familiar with.
We are that stupid. God will try to lead us to an area that He knows is much better for us, and yet, like the dumbass stubborn sheeple that we are… we refuse, run away like pansies and reject what is better for us, to stick with the dry crappy place that we are in. I have a much greater appreciation for when people compare our lack of intelligence to sheep.

God, You have a lot of patience, we really are a bunch of dumbasses.

Road Trip Adventure: Day 8

Second star to the right and straight to dawn!

No… wait, those are the directions for Neverland (not the Ranch). I meant to say… north for a long way, turn east through Denni, and then slight bit north again to home.

I’d go into this in-depth-play-by-play… but… what can I say?

We got in car.

Drove.

Made it home safely.

And so… the first recorded journey of the great explorer Belton to the Indian Ocean via the Southern portion of mainland Australia came to an end.

Join us next time when we see what other shinnangins I can get myself into.

Road Trip Adventure: Day 7

Water, Meat, and a REALLY big Koala

Today we went to a National Park near a city called Hall’s Gap. Besides all the nice winding road action we came across we also found a water fall.

At first we just went to a lookout area overlooking the entire valley with the waterfall, then, David and I got a look at the staircase of death down to the base of
the falls, and we knew it… we had to go!



So, we work our way down to the base of the falls to see the beauty and majesty that is… Water in motion.





Twas quite amazing. The hike back up… not so much. Paul had come down and joined us right as David and I were heading back up. At the bottom, there were very narrow stone steps covered with water. Made for quite a bit of fun with people going down while we try to go back up.

SIDE NOTE:
WHY!!! The blazes do people on a hike going downhill, wait for the guys going up?!?!?! I always use that time, waiting for the downward person to pass me, to catch my breath. Seriously… next time you are in this situation going down hill and some other hikers are coming up, JUST KEEP GOING! Let them have a breather, they are fighting gravity harder then you.

Ok… and we’re back.

So, after nearly passing out and dying, (SN Pappas… you’d a loved it) we kept on driving to Hall’s Gap. We made a quick pit stop at a scenic vista overlooking the mountain range.



I did of course jump the fence at the lookout, intending to go take another look from a different angle, and to take a great series of pictures. There was a ranger tower behind where we were, so I stayed low, and ran through the maze of rocks, anyone who has been to Lizard’s Mouth, you can picture what it looked like. So, I was running along, and all of a sudden, my shirt tightens around my collar, and I realize, I need to stop running, but, it was too late, then I felt the stick touch the bare skin on my back… yup, a rip in one of my favorite shirts. I figure, oh well, I’ve made it this far, I go out the ledge that I wanted to get my shot from, dangle near the side, take in all the scenery, only to find out, I left my camera in the van. Jan happened to take a shot of where I was. I didn’t quite realize there was nothing below where I was standing, don’t think it would have made a difference, but, for the record, I didn’t.



So we continued on the road to Hall’s Gap, once there, we found a Culture Center. What was in this Culture Center? Well, besides an Abo-based guilt trip (having trouble picturing it? Think of any Indian movie involving Wounded Knee), they had native foods! YES! Native foods, the moment I have been waiting for, to take down some Croc. I did find it funny that, on the wall, was a Lizard, you see Mama Liz, I’ll think of you in any kitchen I’m near or around.



And what was on the menu?



Here is what the Bush Food Platter looked like:



The Salad:
Didn’t try it, no desire

The Chutney:
Is basically, an Aussiefied version of Salsa



From top going clockwise

Croc:
I hate saying this with a bloody passion… why? Because it is by far the most over used phrase ever… It tastes… quite literally… exactly like tough chicken breast…
ARGGG there… I said it. Moving on…

Kangaroo:
Nothing new here. I’ve tried it before, and I like it, and I still liked it this time :) it is quite scrumdidlyumptious.

Emu:
Well, I had been wanting to try it for quite awhile. It came in the form of a sausage, which, was alright, but, I feel like maybe I lost out on some of the individual flavor of the Emu, I will definitely try it again given a chance. The amount of flavor I did get from it was good.

Duck:
Never tried duck before either. Quite yummy also, but, the way it was done, it tasted SO much like ham, it was unbelievable. So, to my Jew friends, assuming all duck tastes like the duck I had, there is your substitute.



Damper:
A roll/biscuit like thing made out of seed and flower from native bushes and such in the outback. The two items I had on it where cream, and a jam made of quandong, a local plant. Knowing how I like to expierament, it should come as no shock to those who know me well, that I would cut it in half length wise then divide the 3 options evenly to compare and contrast the flavor and texture of the bottom and top halfs with the 2 toppings and lack of. Quandong jam, pretty awesome. Cream straight up… a bit intense at first, but, better then dry. Dry… well, dry, I mean like… Death Valley, and no, I didn’t have my water bottle with me either.

On the way back to the place we were staying for the night, we came across, the biggest Koala I’d ever seen!



(I never said it was a real one, just the biggest)
Also seen in the movie “Charlie & Boots” starring Paul Hogan, if you can find it, I recommend it, it’s similar to what “Sideways” is for us on the Central Coast to the people here.

Twas a good final day of exploration on the road trip.

Road Trip Adventure: Day 6

Salt, Outback, Mountains, and pulling a Steve Irwin.

Ok, right off the bat, I love funny signs, this one is kinda sad actually… but, I have a sick sense of humor, and therefore, think it’s kinda funny:



And where was this sign?



Yes… that is a pub. A sign to tell the drunks, not to leave their kids in the car.
Anyway, I thought it was painfully funny.

MOVING ON!

Salt Lake – not quite as huge and amazing as Utah’s, but, still quite a lot of fun in the sense that, it’s pink.





It was quite awesome… and to show you all, I drew a little something in the salt.

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Then of course, there was a drive through a small desert, not quite the outback, but it did give me of an idea of what to expect, and what did we see in the desert? What you would hope to see in the Aussie wild:



After that we continued on to a mountain for a great view of the surrounding area.







Yes… took a closer look



AT LAST!

The moment I’m sure you’ve waited for…
We were driving home from the mountain top, when all of a sudden! An echidna walked across the road. An echidna is like an Australian porcupine. This is the first time I’ve seen one in the wild, so… obviously, anyone of you knows me knows… I wasted NO time in jumping out of the van and running into the bushes to chase it so I could poke it with a stick.

And poke I did!



Everyone else joined in on the echidna hunt, until the thing did it’s natural tendency of… burrowing for its dear life leaving only it’s “smooth and fluffy” exterior showing.



And yet another fun day or roadtrip comes to an end, Tomorrow… Hall’s Gap, a day of learning about Abos, and a bitchen awesome looking waterfall.

Road Trip Adventure: Day 5

(note: to fully view pictures, simply click on them and they will enlarge so you can see it all)

OCEAN!

Oh… oh how I love thee Ocean. Ocean my love, how I miss you when not near you. I love the feeling of thy embrace around me when I dive into you to enjoy your both gentle and strong currents, and your raging powerful surf.

Ocean, you are my one true love. Sorry women, whoever you are, you have to be something really truly special to compete with Mare. (That and the fact that I’m afraid of you from being raised by a pack of ravenous Latinas)

Ok… done with that for now. So anyway, we continued our journey down the Great Ocean Road, which is the Aussie equivalent to Pacific Coast Highway.



The best analogy I can think of for all of you back in California, would be, a mix between Big Sur, and Montana de Oro. Yes, the drive was that beautiful. We made several stops on our drive down the coast, David might argue far too many.

A common sign we saw was this:



But unstable cliffs are no problem for an unstable person like me. I’m not sure if it was the adventurer in me, or the immigrant latino in me, but there was almost no fences that I did not jump in the spirit of exploration (and awesome picture taking)



Just one of many examples of the times that I jumped a fence, and was it worth it? Well, I ended up getting a good shot of the cave that I ended up going to explore.



But how did it look once I got there? Amazing!



There was however one major drawback to my plan of action. It is 1000x easier going down a cliff then it is going back up those same slipper rocks with wet feet. Matthew and David ended up walking to where I was stranded, so with the tide coming in, I had a choice to make, risk slipping off a wet rock trying to climb back up where I had just slid down from? OR! Do I brave the poisonous Australian ocean loaded with stingy shit that can kill me if I get to near it, assuming I don’t get bitten by Jaws. Well, David climbed down to where I was, looked around, and I helped him back up allowing him to use me as a ladder/stepstool for footholds to make his way to safety, I stayed behind contemplating my choices…

Finally, I handed my camera to David, and pretty much everything else valuable I had, plus my shirt, not necessarily because of its value, but because, well, I simply did not want it getting wet… duh.

And so, I dared the poisonous/toothed creatures of Australia, to become one with my lover and source of life:



And that is the story behind my first swim in the Indian Ocean.
The rest of the day was filled with more beautiful ocean scenery…



…and more opportunities for me to jump over protective dividers, all in the name of good photography…





Was it worth it you ask? I’d say so:



After that, I came across the 3rd place in the world that I’ve been that goes by the name “London Bridge” (1st being Arizona, 2nd being London near the Thames, and now this)



The “bridge” in fact is as much a London Bridge as the Holy Roman Empire was a Holy Empire in Rome (pssst… that means it wasn’t) but hey, whatever those Redcoat’s wanna reckon.

Finally! We came to our destination just outside of Princetown, Victoria, Twelve Apostles National Park. The 12 Apostles are a chain of rocks that have withstood the test of time and erosion to make for a really awesome view.





Besides a small country life traffic jam on the way to our night’s accommodations…



…the rest of the day went fairly uneventful in terms of exploration

Join us tomorrow as we learn the answer to intrigueing questions like…

How much can a Koala bear?

How salty can a lake be?

How chickeny is Croc?

What is Chutney?

And of course, see how I pulled a Steve Irwin (without the dying part)