Everything is Poisonous

Especially the women.

Back to that in a bit.

Yesterday while picking oranges, my handler Michael called, I think his title should be changed to my pimp. He called me up and asked,
“Can you work for Jim tomorrow?” (the grain storage facility place)
“(after considering how many oranges are left to pick) ya, I think I can, I suppose the guys can finish the rest without me.”
“Well, good, because I already told him yes. So you have to be there at 7:30 in the morning.”

There ya go… pimped to the highest bidder.

So today I went to work for the American loving guy with the funny stories, cleaned the edge of one of those giant storage sheds, then I got to climb into a grain silo. After that Jim came and had me change projects again. So I started breaking up a giant cement slab and loaded the broken chunks into the scoop of a tractor.

After work, the guys and I had some drinks in their apartment, and then walked over to the pub. All was going fairly well, not many women there, so that was a bummer. I had ANOTHER girl say, “OMG your name is Edward! But you totally look more like Jacob.” Yes, my tan is that good right now. At one point though, I take a picture of Daniel (one of the Estonians staying in Griffith) and the girl he was dancing with goes CRAZY and like attacks my camera thinking that it was an improper picture of her that I was taking. Well, so when I refuse to allow my new camera to fall into the hands of a crazy drunk woman, she suddenly has the desire to inflict pain on me. Now, I never hit a woman, but, I do block punches, she tried getting a couple guys to beat me up for her, then when they asked what’s going on, I told them, and they looked at her like she was crazy, and ended up just talking to me. Well, things got even more bizarre, and one of the girls I usually dance with came in and rescued me (I felt like such a damsel in distress, I was like Rodger Moore as Bond, let the women fight the women while I stay back and see the outcome). So yes… I was saved by a girl, from… an angry girl.

Every day here in Australia there is a new experience.

After the pub closes, Richard and I stayed together, we found Marty, and then, there was only Markus left. And so we waited for him, because I am good wingman who will never leave a man behind! So we wait… and wait… before long, crazy lady comes back, and tries to start something up, then gets this guy who refers to her as “my girl” (which confuses me because she was dancing with every guy on the floor) decides that he is going to take her side, and wants all his mates to take his side also. Well, apparently I still have my ninja like ability to block a series of incoming punches even when they come from two different directions. Good to know I retained my black belt skills even after getting fat. That was the first major test of my karate skills since I put the extra weight on. Out of the 30+ blows attempted, only one weak one from crazy lady made contact before the pub security and my overseas allies broke it up.

Which brings me back to the original point… EVERYTHING in Australia is poisonous, even (especially) the women.

Oh what an adventure.

Today has mainly been a recovery day from the events of the week and last night. There was concert in the park which we were rained out of at the end, meaning Matthew was not able to perform. The good-bad news is that this one girl in town is single again… time for an attack?

“But Edward! Haven’t you just gone on about how poisonous the women there are?!”

Psh… ya so what. I’m an idiot like that. Plus I was raised by Latinas which actually have the Wolverine like ability to spring out these razor sharp claws and cut out your heart. And I’ve managed to survive this long…