One Nail for Each Hand

And now, we come to it…

The main two ways that I personally am responsible for the events of today. This is why crucifying Joshua Bar Jehovah the carpenter of Nazareth was necessary. If Wrath is the nail through the feet, then these are the nails that go through the right and left wrists.

If you have not yet done so, please read the last post “Five Languages of Love”

I’ll wait while you do so… go ahead, this post will still be here for you when you get back.



SUPERBIA



Pride.

Vanity, Narcissism.

If I ever got a tattoo, it would be the word “SUPERBIA” on my heel. Just like the great warrior Achilles was taken out by one arrow to his heel, so can I be cut down in no time by this chief of sins.

Let us get straight to the definitions!

Pride:
1. A sense of one’s own proper dignity or value; self-respect.
2. Pleasure or satisfaction taken in an achievement, possession, or association.
3. Arrogant or disdainful conduct or treatment; haughtiness.
4.
a. A cause or source of pleasure or satisfaction; the best of a group or class.
b. The most successful or thriving condition; prime.

Pride definitions 1, 2, and 4 are all good to have. Without pride in one’s accomplishments, why accomplish anything?

Pride definition number 3 is where problems come into play. Pride is such a problem, it is what got Lucifer kicked out of Heaven.

Here I believe is the source of my problems with Pride… I am an only child to a single parent. Getting attention is kinda a big deal for me. I am a center stage person. I am casted in the lead role, not the stage hand person. You might have noticed in the 5 love languages blog I mentioned my top two things are Touch and Words of Affirmation. I like complimenting people. I am also right brained; meaning the creative part of my mind is the active part, not the side that deals with rules. That’s why I make creative St. Valentine’s Day cards, why I type blogs on people’s birthdays, it is why I comment on all of your Facebook posts, and why at camp I made it a point to write encouraging notes to the staff during the middle of the summer to keep morale up. THAT is what I do.

I do that for others, because that is what I would have them do onto me. However, many of you have made it a habit to ignore my desire for attention. Some of my best friends amongst you don’t even bother replying to an email or Facebook message. I excuse it away as “oh, they must be busy”, but I know…

So, in absence of any of you praising my good qualities, I brag about them for you. And so, I am struck down with Pride. No, I’m not necessarily blaming you all, “oh if you talked about me for me, I wouldn’t have to”, because, truth is, if you did, I would take it and be like, “I’m so great, everyone even says so”. That does NOT mean stop complimenting me though…

Words of Affirmation are one of the two main ways that I feel loved. Like John and Paul said, “All you need is love” (Beatles, not Saints).

But that is not all the problem, if that was it, things would be easier for me.


Vanity:
1. The quality or condition of being vain.
2. Excessive Pride in one’s appearance or accomplishments; conceit.
3. Lack of usefulness, worth, or effect; worthlessness.

Hard definition for me to look at…

“…one’s appearance…”, I use to be thin and sexy, I’m working on regaining that. It has not been an easy road getting back to that… but I am not there now.

“…or accomplishment”, I have yet to get a Bachelors Degree. Last thing I can say I accomplished, besides weight loss, must be my associates, before that, being re-elected Lodge Chief. A role that at the time seemed so critical and important, and now, I look back on it like Solomon in Ecclesiastes… vanity. Well, ok, in my defense, I can honestly say that I forever changed at least two of my friends lives. That made all the work I did in Scouting worth it. Subtract that example though, and it is rather hard to see the impact that I've made in the Council.

“Lack of usefulness, worth, or effect”, pretty much according to the old TLC song… I could be classified as a “scrub” right now. Really not that great of a mystery why the girl I like does not see herself becoming the First Lady, even if she wanted the position, seems quite questionable my ability to become President at this point.


Narcissism:
1. Excessive love or admiration of oneself.
2. A psychological condition characterized by self preoccupation, lack of empathy, and unconscious deficits in self-esteem.

Ok, so… maybe, just maybe… I have this thing about every time I pass something, ANYthing with a reflective nature, I pause for at least a second to see my reflection.

As for the preoccupation and lack of empathy… this is how horrible of a person I am…

In my senior year, I talked our AP Government teacher into taking a field trip to the Ronald Reagan Presidential Library. It was postponed once for some reason, I believe a death. THEN when one of my good friends announced that he wouldn’t be able to go on the field trip on the reschedule date due to his Great Grandmother’s death, my instant first reaction… “We’re still going right?!” Before any of you try to not make me feel so bad… yes, I did actually say it out loud… sigh…


Dr. Wilson: "Can this wait five minutes?"
Dr. House: "Is she dying?"
Dr. Wilson: "Yes."
Dr. House: "Before the end of this consult?"
Dr. Wilson: "They could build monuments to your self-centeredness."


This is the sin that got Satan kicked out of Heaven... and yet, it is the one I deal with the most... not at all a very comforting thought. In a sick narcissistic way, one comfort is, I am not alone, and in my defence, at least I do not put any bumper stickers on my car:



This is the message we send to the world when we PROUDLY display our dumbass slogans like, "I'm not perfect, I'm just forgiven". Once in Monday Night College Bible study, Rocky brought up a very interesting point (he brings up quite a few, but this one actually dealt with church), we as a church, are very discriminatory to "non-believers". Ever think about the way we refer to "NON-christians" or "NON-church goers"? The Military for example, there are "Servicemen and women" the "Families of Servicemen and women" and then, there are "Civilians" these are people in the outside world, they are called, "Civilians" NOT "NON-military". I mean, ya, ok, sometimes they are, but, they have an actual non derogatory term. I challenge any of you to think of a term that is not derogatory that we as a church can call "NON-followers of Joshua". Oh, and if you are thinking to yourself, "witness opportunity", well, you know what, that still is derogatory because now you just made yourself sound like a damn salesman and all they are worth to you is the same as a customer. The term I can think of for "NON-christians" that I know is... "Friend", "Mate", "Bro", "Amigo", or any other regionally appropriate term. What do you call "the World"?




LUXURIA



Lust.

Fornication, Perversion.

Lust:
1. Intense or unrestrained sexual craving
2.
A. An overwhelming desireor craving: a lust for power.
B. Intense eagerness or enthusiasm: a lust for life.

Fornication: Voluntary sexual intercourse outside marriage

Perversion: The act of perverting


In all honesty, I was totally going to stop writing, and just say, “well, that’s all the time we have this week folks, join us again next time…” Or something to that affect anyway. Then I thought about the whole purpose of this series, and I thought this might be a good time to also clear up some misconceptions, or stir up some new ones…

I am not AS evil as the rumors make me sound (not all of them anyway). I thought a lot about it and I think I know where this all comes from.

Contrary to popular belief, my problem with Lust stems from Touch being my top way of showing love… NOT the other way around.

I think a lot of you who know about my “addiction to women” think that I am a hugger because of that. Well, if that was the case, why do I equally hug men? (Factor in my perfectly Heterosexual sexuality)

Going back to the fact that I am an only child (and yes… only children are REALLY that messed up, you see what you have to look forward to when you grow up Lindsey! Nicholas and Christian, you two should be ok since your baby sisters came along) I was raised by a woman whose top love language is ALSO touch. So, I got a lot of hugs growing up. And unlike the uber Whitey McWhitewhites amongst you that shake hands with that perfect 1.5 yards (or 1.37 M) distance between you and the other person. I was raised like a Latino. We hug. In fact… we hug a LOT. We are more emotional people, I don’t mean in the pansy ass way like “emos” I mean, we show when we are happy, we show when we are upset, etc. We full on CRY at a funeral, and we dance until we are exhausted at a wedding. So, I can relate to the European style greeting of the hug and the double kiss on the cheeks, I can relate to it because that is what I got growing up, and I still do it today. To females and males.

I was raised by my mother, and her pack of latina friends. So, I got hugged by women a LOT growing up. Being held by a woman suddenly made a connection in my mind that everything was ok. Now then, flash forward a few years…

High School! Testosterone and other hormones at work. Throw in Chronic Depression from the feeling of hatred coming off my “oh so good Christian” classmates, and what do you have…

Manwhore!

That is where it started.

I am not justifying it (though I am sure one of you was just waiting for the chance to accuse me of it). I am just saying, I believe that to be the source of it. Yes Madre, Lulu, sis, the whole lot of you... you created a wanna be James Bond (though, Dad watching James Bond a lot while I was young and impressionable probably added a lot to it). So, in high school when I was in my thin sexy form… it was a fairly easy bad habit to indulge, assuming the target in question was not a VCA girl. Fellow camp staff that happen to be female, friend’s girlfriends friends, scouts sisters, scoutmaster daughters, and of course the occasional “Mrs. Robinson” like pineapple lady from that one Mormon girls week at camp that one year.

Goes back to vanity this sin. At the time… they were all just a quick fix for an attention jonesing. In hindsight I’m not proud. If I get married, whoever I marry now only gets a piece of my soul, not the whole thing. I don’t deserve the woman I like. It hurts to think about. Even if I do manage to talk her into the fact that I’m not such a bad guy… I still have to carry around the thought that I cannot give her all of me. Which, is something I am fairly certain she has on the list-o-things to use against me, which adds to the pain even more.

This much I will say in my defense to the women out there:

I have somewhat changed. A couple years ago, I believe it was Pastor Aaron (and if it wasn’t, I’ve stole so much other good material from him I might as well accredit him with this one) who was talking about dating, and mentioned, “if you where a father, would you let your daughter date you”. Now, before you go into immature incest jokes. In the proper context it means… If you had a daughter, (and Dr. Freud was right) would you want her to date a guy like you are/were at that age? Putting it into those terms really opened up my eyes, especially with my protective nature. The other great thing that made me think was “Sex God” by Pastor Rob Bell, quite possibly, one of the best books ever. You should all read it. If you allow it to, it can really change the way you look at people. I pretty much recommend it to everyone.

That said those of you who have concern, “why is he hugging me? Is there a hidden agenda?”

99% of the time, no. I hug everyone pretty much. While writing this, I realized… I think one reason for the way I have been feeling lately is, for the first time in my life! I have gone a month without being hugged… I could cry right now…

Wow… damn redcoats and their properness… look what they’ve done to the commonwealth states…

Anyway, like I was saying. I identify with the (mainland) Europeans. If I give you a hug and do the double cheek kiss thing, and you are a girl, don’t get to flattered, I do it to guys, and if you are guy, don’t get to freaked out, I have no interest in you at all like that. If I have ever referred to you as an adopted younger sister, you definitely have nothing to be concerned about. Another tip women, only if I hug you longer than I would my own sister and it has not been that long since I last seen you, then you have reason to believe there is a hidden agenda. And yes, I did bitch and moan about being an only child and then just mention my older sister… another story for another time, but basically, yes, a woman exists who is blood related to me that I call my sister and I love her as such, but yet I am the only child between my mother and father… story on that one some other time.



Have a good Good Friday. Remember, it is called “Good” because it is the day, Joshua bar Jehovah of Nazareth, unjustly, and unfairly, picked up OUR tab and made us debt free. With the economy the way it is, I’m sure you can all appreciate that metaphor.