Plums = Back Pain

Dirty Job #5 has left me with a very huge, new found respect to all you women who complain of back problems because God blessed you “too much”. We will return to this thought later, but first…

Let me back track a bit. My handler Michael the Orange Guy found us a job working with another Italian with several different types of fruits, but the fruit of choice for the day was, plums. I woke up at 5 AM, took my time doing my morning routine, and picked the Estonians up. We got out to our boss of the week’s place and got a quick run through of our task. We started at 6 am, which apparently turned out to be to early as the sun had still not risen above the horizon, nor had dawn fully broke. It wasn’t soon after that we saw the first glimmers of sun light advance to stuff out the lesser light of the moon.

Fruit picking… oh wow…

I know what you’re probably thinking, “Edward, you are a creationist… and your excellent at sinning… so… you should be awesome at pulling fruit off a tree right? And besides that, you’re Mexican aren’t you?”

Well, apparently, beliefs don’t mean much in terms of fruit picking, and no, I’m Honduran, which, using that argument works against me, because Hondurans have to go UP for bananas as opposed to down for strawberries. The thing about plums is, oh sure, there are bunch that are high and within perfect arm reach, but then there are also a bunch that involve going down to ground level. I wish I had an army of midgets. They could be so useful in these situations.

As displayed by Martin in the below picture…



… we all wore a bag dangling from our front which would catch most of the fruit as we tore it free from the tree limb it was attached to. The excessive weight constantly growing and then subtracting and growing again, became a terrible strain on our backs.

With such weight on our front, and such pain of the bag straps digging into our backs and shoulder blades, the four of us now think we have a slightly better idea of what all you well endowed women have to deal with on a daily basis. I feel for you.

Don’t get me wrong, I still like the view, and, I don’t think you should de-augment the way God made you; I just can appreciate the pain you deal with. That is why I am in favor of a better built bra.

Our boss, Ray, was a fellow of good cheer. I’ve pissed off a lot of people in my day, but few have been so good spirited about it. I taught myself how to drive a forklift! Unfortunately, I took too long getting the fruit into the drive in fridge, and so the temperature rose to high. But, he still fed us nice cold watermelon every day.

Next week Ray has us working with his brother Jerry who has oranges, he promises it will be easier for us. I guess we believe him, I mean, oranges are bigger. I’ll let you know how it turns out.

Saints vs. Colts!

To be honest… don’t really care.

I do miss the fact that I won’t catch the Super Bowl, not because I’m so in love with professional football, but because…

It is the greatest day of the year for marketing people.

I am a business major remember, that means, I’m one of those guys who fast forwards through the show to get to the commercials and then I analyze and diagnose the crap out of them (my sister hates when I do that but it’s how I enjoy TV)

So anyway, thanks to the internet, I’ll be able to catch them all the next day. I’ll have my full review of Super Bowl adds later in the month.

Also going on today, two very important birthdays that helped shape my high school years (and by continuation the rest of my life)

First, a quick shout out to my old friend Justine, who quite possible put up with more of my crap then anyone who isn’t in the turtle group, or has the last name “Kiger”. Have a good 24th lap around the sun, and may you have plenty more.

Second and much older, and much more impactful, The Boy Scouts of America celebrates its One Hundredth Anniversary!

A hundred years ago today, the Boy Scouts of America was established, and forever changed American history. I joined October 28, 1998, got my Eagle Scout, and just as if not more importantly, made a group of lifelong friends. Besides teaching me a countless number of skills and lessons, it helped build my confidence. I realize how odd that might sound coming from an arrogant dick like me… but, trust me, deep down it’s true.



Have a good February 8th, whatever it is your celebrating, I’ll be out picking plums…

(for those of you thinking, wait, these days don't add up right? well, it's already the 8th over here while you finish off the last of the barbecue during the 3rd quarter over there)

Attept #2 at Stealing Tyson's Tiger

The Estonian's and I, and EVEN MORE Estonians went out again this weekend. I once again cannot go into details. But, I did learn another drinking game.

In this one, there is one person who sits out of play and is the role of Dealer/Judge.

They shuffle the deck, and draw a card. Various rules are applied to various cards at the end of each round (you never make it through the deck) the first three rules are:

On the King, make a crown like symbol over your head.

On the Queen, cup your bust making the shape of a bra.

On the Jack, I don't remember... but I'll let you know when I know.

The Dealer/Judge decides who was the slowest person to do the action and they have to drink. after going through the cards, the Dealer/Judge decides who drank the most, and they are now assigned as the Dealer/Judge after creating a new rule for any of the cards.

I did say my first complete sentence in Estonian, and it was a very very fitting sentence to say on my hero, President Ronald Reagan's birthday:

"Kai Persa Noukogude Liit"

Which, very loosely translated into English means:

"F^<% you Soviet Union"

I never said it was a pleasant sentence, i just said it was my first one that I put together myself.

The 2nd group of Estonians are friends of the 1st group. They happen to be staying in a hostel outside of Griffith (40ish minutes north of Leeton). Two guys and a girl. My number of Eesti sobrad (Estonian friends)keeps growing.

And so, the Birthweek celebration comes to a close.

Operation Nova Aquila Update 2

For those who don’t know, that is what I have decided to name my time here in Australia. My first two months having been here complete, I figure it’s time for another update.

Objective 1 (Lose weight): I’ve just past the 43 inches mark. That makes the 4^th inch lost in Australia (between my two trips). In two months, as opposed to the 5 inches that I’ve lost in California over the other 10 months. 1 inch per 2 months at home, 2 inches per month here. Plan seems to be working.

Objective 2 (Find job): Well, those who actively keep track of my blogs would know that I’ve had a series of short term jobs, not necessarily one stable one, but, my handler Michael the Orange guy always seems to pull through.

Objective 3 (Get Ripped like Jesus): Dependant on Objective 1, but, seems like it is going on course.

Objective 4 (Save Money): Dependant on Objective 2, but, also seems to be going on course.

Objective 5 (House Makeover): Well, the house it’s self, I have not had time this past month between the Road Trip and finding work. The shipping containers are nearly 100 percent.

Objective 6 (Quit Pepsico Addiction): The first part of the 2^nd trimester seems to be going ok… no with drawls. Yet. The accelerated detox these next few weeks worries me slightly, but, I’m sure I’ll be alright. Having P.O.G. juice around is helping the process out, so now water isn’t my only other option.

Objective 7 (Learn new life lessons): I don’t know how good of a father I’ll be anymore. I am a great scout leader, because at the end of the day, I get to hand the little ones off to their parents, and I can babysit my niece for hours, but at the end of the day, I get to hand her over to her parents. I need a lot more work on my patience than I thought that I did. Also, it's harder having brother's then I thought (but that is kind of a continuation of last month's new life lesson)

Objective 8 (See all states/territories of Aus): After the road trip, I have now seen New South Wales, Victoria, and South Australia. Now I still have the Australian Capital Territory, Tazmania, Western Australia, Northern Territory, and Queensland.

Objective 9 (Re-learn how to ride a motorcycle): Yes, it’s been over a decade since I have last riden a motorcycle, and now, I am unsure of my abilities on one, and so, want to re-learn how. Paul has agreed, but, now we need a working bike to do so.

Objective 10 (Drive manual left handed): Gave it a go awhile ago… it was laughable (to say the least according to Paul). But, I was proud of the fact that it didn’t seem to throw me off that much.

Objective 11 (Dive in GBR): Need money, that’s it, the moment I have the money, I’m going diving. EVERY SCUBA diver, who knows about the Great Barrier Reef, wants to go diving in it, and here I am, so close, and yet penniless (quite literally, Australia has no $.01 piece).

Objective 12 (See one other country): New Zealand air prices from Sydney seem quite reasonable in May, but, as I have that problem with Objective 11, I have the same problem present with Objective 12. That has never stopped me before however.

Objective 13 (Learn Estonian): I have three new Estonian friends, who love speaking their native tongue all the time, and, I don’t blame them at all in the slightest, but I am determined to not be left out of every conversation, and so… I am going to learn as much Estonian as I possibly can. Have a few words so far, but mainly just slang to use in a pub.

The adventure continues!!! And so friends, I leave you with this though of the day that I think applies to this update…

“There is only one person who is capable to set limits to your growth... it is you!”

P. O. G.

For those who don’t know, when I worked at Rancho Alegre, we had a juice machine that we the staff used to fill up pitchers for campers during the meals.

In the Juice Machine, there was usually:

Apple

Grape

One other thing

And……

POG!

What is this P.O.G. many of you might be wondering?!?!?!

Oh… nothing special… ONLY THE GREATEST JUICE EVER!

So, anyway, at some point in time while taking apart the shed, I had this sudden craving for P.O.G.

At first I don’t know where it came from, but after further reflection, I think I figured it out.

Remember Ranger Larry I mentioned back in December? Ya, well, every year at camp, (don’t worry, I’m coming back to POG) during staff development week, he made it a point during his oh so lovely OSHA talk, to scare the bejeezus out of EVERY member of camp!

HANTAVIRUS!!!

Hantavirus is a respiratory infection that occurs when you inhale the dust created by the movement of rodent fecal matter.

Or… “the crud that you kick up when your sweeping up all the mouse poopies in your cabin”. When this “Death Dust” reaches your lungs, they begin to bleed! AND YOU DROWN IN YOUR OWN BLOOD!!!

So, ya, as much of a laugh as us older staff have after hearing “the Hanta talk” year after year… the moment I saw a pile of what I thought might have been rodent crap… I immediately put on my mask, and proceeded with caution. The whole time I was taking the shed apart and more rat crap came from the other side of the wall, the more and more Ranger Larry’s voice played in my head!

It was like… I was haunted by the thought of hanta, I could just hear it over and over again like a broken record in the back of my mind with every panel I took off…

“Eagle… HANTA!”

“Hanta Eagle… Hanta!”

“The dust is creeping in!”

“The mask won’t protect you…”

“you’ll get Hantavirus Eagle”

“…Then… your lungs will fill with blood”

“Can’t you feel them burning inside already”

It was at this point, that I had the most intense craving for POG juice… and looking back on that moment, (because it was very strange for me at the time why I would have such a pregnant woman intense craving) I realized, that was usually about the same time in the speech when I would excuse myself and go hang out in the kitchen talking to Liz and/or Dana and drink POG so I could avoid as much of the OSHA talk as I could.

So… anyway, I had this intense craving with me throughout the rest of the day. I asked Jan if she had ever heard of POG, and her response…

“POG?! What the hell is that?”

“It’s a type of juice”

“Oh… huh… POG?”

“Ya… it’s a blend”

“Check Woolys, if they don’t have it, you’re out of luck”

Well, I went to the store with Paul after work, and!

They did NOT have it. I really didn’t think they would… but it was worth a shot.

I went on a juice buying frenzy though!

I never realized how much I really like juice! It’s like crazy! I feel so healthy.

So, anyway, I found an Orange & Passion fruit blend and then I found some Guava Nectar (which happen to be the 3 fruits involved in the creation of POG).

I bought the 2, and spent most of the rest of the afternoon finding just the right mixture, as it turns out, which is just way WAY to easy… pretty much, 1/3 of the Guava Nectar, and then the other 2/3rds you fill with the Orange & Passion fruit juice.

So there you have it, the way to make my favorite type of juice, and also, a valuable lesson in how not to fill your lungs with blood.

Dirty Job #4

Working at a grain storage facility.

It was alright I suppose, but, score another point for college degree (seems to be a theme developing). Another job found for me by my handler, Michael the Orange Guy (yes, his new official nic-name), quite possibly the best of my birthday presents (in the sense that I actually had work)

At least I got along well with my boss.

So what did I do this time? Well, I cleaned the outside of a shed. Easy right? Well, if you think of “shed” in terms of that little 5x4 that you put your lawn mower and rake in the back yard… then ya, I suppose I could see why you would think it was easy, but… if you thought of shed as in the “store tons of grain and could fit the condo I grew up in, plus my house on Oxford, plus my Aussie home… well, slightly harder.

So, I spent the entire first day cleaning 3 out of 4 walls, and then the 2^nd and third days taking apart and then putting up a new 4^th wall.

I learned something new about me… ANY other time, put me in a basket, and then hoist me 30-50 feet in the air, no problem at all in the slightest and my Ealge-like awesomeness kicks in. Do so when I am dehydrated… hmmmm… ya… not so much. Though, after a few moments of the rocking back and forthness, I was alright and felt like a nance for complaining in the first place.

Being as the day’s events weren’t extremely eventful…

I’ll leave you with this story that my boss told me:

“After the War, there was a high tax on a lot of different produce that would have normally gone to the soldiers. Well, Nestle comes to me ol’ man and asks him if he can get them X number of almonds.

“So him and his mates get together, pick the amount asked of them, so they did, and where all happy that they had a big pay day coming to them.

“Then they get a call from this guy from the government. Turns out he come down to Wagga asking for all this tax. So my old man goes down there, and meets one of his mates, and asks, ‘where is this government guy?’

“his mate tells him, ‘down at the pub’

“ ‘well what did I come down here for if he’s just at the bloody pub?!’

“ ‘(what’s his name) has him down there buying him beers, now, in a little bit, you go down there, and you start buying that bastard some beers, and tell (what’s his name) that we need him here, then I’ll go in, and we switch out again’

“so my old man goes down to the pub and starts shouting drinks for him till his mate come and switch out with him, then his other mate switch out with him, and my dad go back in… well, eventually, they drink this poor bastard under the table. He is so pissed drunk that the three of them pick him up, and carry him just down the block to the train station, get him on the next train going to Sydney and paid one of the guys ten quid to throw him out when the train got to Sydney.

“And ya know what? They never heard another word about that money ever again”

Anyway, funny stories from Aussies, thought I’d share.

“Happy” Birthday

Sigh

My birthday and time zones just don’t get along. Like not even a little.

Jan and the family tried to help me have a good day. Jan got me a Leonardo action figure, which is really cool cause it actually jumps and does a back flip.
But… I’m in Sydney time right now. While I was enjoying the first day of February, everyone else I know (even my friend in Germany) was still saying goodbye to January while I was having my birthday.

The fact that I wasn’t feeling all that great didn’t help things much at all. Still, the part about most all of you forgetting that I was in a different time zone and so already had my birthday by the time most of you said, “Happy birthday” really didn't help. But that still wasn't the worst part.

Like I said, my birthday has not had good luck with time zones…

One of my Aunts in Honduras (one of my Mother’s cousins, but you know us Latinos) for the past few years would call me in the morning on the first of February to wish me a happy birthday. Before it was just a card, until my last visit back to the motherland, then she started calling. Which, for a 3rd worlder to call a 1st worlder is very kind and thoughtful, so, I did appreciate the niceness of it all, but, I couldn’t display those feelings when I was being woken up just before 6 am. You see, all of Honduras is in 1 time zone, they don’t span across 4 like the 48 states do, and Honduras is 2 hours ahead of California, so that means, even though they were trying to get a hold of me before my cousin Orlin went to school, that was still two hours ahead, while I was still lying motionless in bed.

And so… in 2008 and 2009 I actually spent the night at the Kigers the night before my birthday just so that, even if they call, I could still sleep in. Which... looking back just makes me feel like even more of a dick. All they wanted was to be good family, but it was to inconvenient of a time for me.

2007 was the last birthday that I talked to Orlin. He was murdered last June just after I returned to CA from my last trip out here. As much as it use to annoy me… right now I would give anything to be woken up by my Aunt at any hour day or night if I could just talk to my cousin again.

Then throw in the absence of the turtles and… well…
It wasn’t the greatest way of starting off my 24th lap around the sun.


At least I’ve only got another 363 days left till my car insurance goes down.



21 Feb 2010
Ammendment 1
A. My Aussie family did what they knew best to do to make me feel loved, this isn't a blog about what they did or didn't do because what they did do was kind hearted.
B. I do NOT make it sound like I would have only been happy if my entire family flew down, I was talking about the fact that a couple friends I've yet to even meet in real life, said happy birthday before a couple of my best friends who I've known for nearly 20 years.
C. This blog was not an opportunity for all of YOU to call me a selfish dick, this blog was ME confessing it.
D. This blog is about how much my cousin Orlin was on my mind all day because he and his mother historically called me year after year on my birthday, and I'm a selfish dick who would have rather slept in, than to talk to a family member, and now, I will never again get that chance, because Orlin was murdered and I never replied to the last letter he sent me because I procrastinate, and even though I shouldn't let it, it kinda haunts me to know that I never replied, never let him know that I love him, and am glad to be related to him.