Sunday, February 21, 2010

The End of Another Birthweek

Except this one was a double celebration!

It kicked off last Saturday with the AC/DC concert, went on throughout the week days with the successful passing with a 100% on the driver’s test, attaining their learners license, and now… finishing up with a night of fun with their closest friends in the recently completed shipping containers.

A rather packed week for Matthew and David, but hey… why not? You only turn 16 once. And oh… what an age to turn, still young, still youthful, still know everything; I know I did. Not only do they have the whole road of life ahead of them, they now have a means of driving on that road. That is assuming they can get the car in the proper gear and not stall out at a big intersection then drive up on the curve.

These two are such a fun blend of personalities. A fiery ginger who can kill you on xbox live like no one’s business; and a gentle giant who can out play any bass player I know, and yes, that does include my ex-seafood named friend (Madre and Andrew, you know who I’m talking about). All in all, a couple good blokes, well, when they aren’t arguing, terrorizing their younger brother, or putting crap on the Yankee that is.

The past two days reminds me of my own “twin”. Val, the shipping containers have a pool table that also converts into an air hockey table… memories. When I get home… we are going to Camelot (YES I STILL CALL IT CAMELOT) and we are going to have a match, actually… several. Oh, and Phil… Luke… you two aren’t going to stop us, you don’t want to get hit by the puck, then don’t stand so close.

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Oranges: Easier Than Plums

Well, no… not really.

“Bugiardo”. Mims… that’s your Italian lesson for the day, that means “Liar” in Italian. I was going to start with something like “hello”, “my name is…”, “where’s the toilet?” But this just seemed so fitting, so, we start with that.

Dirty Job #6 sucks… another point college degree.

Although, one cool thing I must say is, I’ve driven a tractor more in the last 2 weeks then I ever have in my life. That aside…

Oranges are much harder. Oh… talk about terrible. The four of us are so horribly slow at picking oranges. It was bad enough that we didn’t start till three days after we thought we were going to, but then once we did… we realized we are like the worst fruit picking back packers there are.

Michael tried to comfort me by saying we didn’t do too bad for our first time when I reported in on how we did. I think he was just being a lying nice guy.
Not only are bins of oranges worth less then bins of plums, but we only did 19, he wanted 24 out of us…

Ya… we failed.

The worst part about all this: there are more to pick next week!


SERENITY NOW!!!

Michael… anytime you wanna spring that new job on me… totally ready…

(I didn’t even get to see one of the two cute girls from the supermarket at all this week)

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

A Year’s Worth of Weight Loss

Well, just like yesterday marked my one year anniversary of freedom, today marks my one year anniversary of the start of my weight loss.

A couple really good reasons for it:

#1, My Navy recruiter is not happy with me (especially when he sees my 96th percentile score on the ASVAB only to see that I’m not according to standard size).

#2, I suppose my life could be a lot longer and more gratifying being able to do things I love like soccer, hiking, climbing things, exploration, running without passing out, and of course waking up without diabetes.

#3, I use to be a thin sexy bitch, (so did David apparently) I’d kinda like to return to that, and for those who either don’t remember since it was so long ago, or just flat out didn’t know me back then… here you go:

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Yup… that was me like about 60-70 pounds lighter.

So, how have I done over the last year?

15 Feb 2009
Neck: 19 inches
Waist: 52.25 inches
BMI: 33.25%
Weight: 313 lb

15 Feb 2010
Neck: 17.2 inches
Waist: 41.9 inches
BMI: 24.7%
Weight: 261 lb

Ya… DAMN is right. DAMN is right for both the optimist and the pessimist actually, yes, I was that heavy, and yes, I’ve lost that much.

Ten inches in a year.

And for those who doubted it would be any easier for me in Australia then back in the states (as many of you did).

The first five inches where in 10 months in California, the last five inches have been in the last 2 months here in Australia.

My goal: 37 inch waist or less (preferably less, but all that is needed is the 37)
That would leave me with a BMI of 20% which is the Navy standard for men in my age bracket.

Another three months to lose another five inches… at this rate, no problem.
I leave you with this:

“Our problem is NOT that we aim to high and FAIL,
It IS that we aim to low and SUCCEED.”
-Aristotle

Monday, February 15, 2010

St. Valentine’s Day!!!

All alone.

BUT THAT’S OK!

“Edward? Really, you? I thought you loved this holy day?”

That’s absolutely right! I do, and as of a year ago, I love it even more!
Why is that you might ask? Answer is simple, St. Valentine’s Day 2010, marks the one year anniversary of my breaking free of the shackle bound to my left fourth digit of the hand!

It was a year ago today, that me and that contentious woman broke off our ill planned engagement and their by releasing me back into the open wild that is the single life.

“But Edward… you seemed so happy?!”

Well, ya, and for the first few months (almost year) I truly thought that I was. But then she did that thing that a lot women do where it’s like,

Dates 1-20: oh, I’m so great (te hee cute girl giggle)

Date 35: (pulls off mask) I will drain your soul!

Whether I become a missionary or not, I need someone who is at least open to the idea. I also need someone who when they say they love to travel, and then you ask them where they have traveled to, has a bit more of an extensive list than just:
NorCal
SoCal
Oregon
Washington
Nevada
Arizona

When you are a Californian… that’s not really traveling, that’s kinda like a five year old walking to the park 6 houses down.

It would be also helpful to have someone my friends actually approve of. (Note: it will also be nice if they tell me with their “serious” voice next time that they don’t). That year and a half was not a complete loss though…
I learned a bit about Scandinavians.
Attained a bunch of new recipes.
Met some interesting people.
Learned who at camp would use any excuse to screw me over and stab me in the back.

AND!

Got an awesome quilt loaded with memories of my illustrious scouting career. A quilt which took far too long to complete, but once it was finished… almost made the extra two and half months of pain worth it.

“Edward! I’m shocked, was it really so terrible? why did you stay with it for so long?!”

Well… the true story makes me look like an evil, heartless dick, so, I’ll only give you a short version, so I only look evil and heartless.

I went on that mission trip to Kenya in October 2008, which she was avidly against, and so, when I returned, she was quite upset with me. Then, one day, after returning, and after one of several arguments that happened more and more, I happened to be talking to someone about my trip to Kenya. I then mentioned three of my other friend’s mission trips to Africa, two to Uganda, and one to Congo. Later, when we were alone, I commented on how she seemed upset. She seemed it, because she was, and she let me know,

“You know what! If I’m such a selfish person… why don’t you just break up with me!? Why don’t you just go off and marry (so and so) since you obviously think she is a better person then me and then you and her can go off and take your f^<%ing messiah complex and save all the f^<%ing blackies in Africa and feed all the homeless and whatever other s#!t you two want to do with your life that I’m not good enough to do”

Well, after hearing that, it really didn’t sound like such a bad idea… in fact, it actually sounded quite well.

There was a bit of a problem… she had 10 years worth of scout shirts cut into squares at her house. She has been known to do/say things upon impulse whether a good idea or not (ok, so I guess we had one thing in common). So, I figured, maybe breaking up right now would not be very strategically advantageous to getting my quilt, or even just getting the shirts back at all, I could have someone else finish it. Christ’s Mass was coming up soon, and I figured, meh, maybe it will be finished by then, after all, she had been claiming it would be my present.

Christ’s Mass came and went…

No quilt.

Another month or so until my Birthday… perhaps then?

No… but nearly

A week or so after my birthday, the long awaited quilt was complete, but already so close to St. Valentine’s Day… well, I hate being single on St. Valentine’s… the 15th sounds like a good day.

Well, over the last month and a half, I reduced my acting skills; I started showing more and more how I really felt. Some of you caught it, others didn’t. So, when St. Valentine’s Day did come up, and I was tired from a Saturday class I had all day, and we got into an argument… well, I just didn’t even bother keeping up the act anymore, and finally, it convinced her to take the death blow. This did actually work out quite well for me since she got to tell people that she ended it (technically).

Then she went to my friends for help on how to retract it and get me back. Well, the thing I love about the turtles is, when she called them up, they basically (in their own polite way of doing so) said, “no, we’re glad you’re broken up”. That not having worked, she called my sis and asked her what she thought, and so my sister told her. She told me she realized us getting back together was a mistake, and kept to her original decision since…

“I talked to your sister, and realized how much growing up you really have to do and basically, you’re not worth my time and energy”

I was happy, but a bit surprised, so the next time I talked to Sara, I couldn’t help but ask,

“so, what did you tell her?”

“Whatever she needed to hear to get the thought of being in my baby bro’s life out of her head” (with a sneaky smile on her face)

I love my vicious latina sister, I guess it runs in the family.

But don’t go feeling to sorry for the poor heartbroken soul… because, she not only replaced me 3 days later, she actually married the guy just 4 months later.

Piece of Edward trivia:
I tend to depression eat.

Another piece of Edward trivia:
I put on a little over 50 pounds in the year and half we where together (which is still better than the 50 I put on in 2004).

Anyone doubt breaking it off was a good call?

I leave you with this:
“It is better to dwell in a corner of a housetop,
Than in a house shared with a contentious woman.”
-Proverbs 25:24


HAPPY ST. VALENTINE’S DAY

Sunday, February 14, 2010

AC/DC & MM/DM

All alone… everyone has left me…

But, it was for a very good reason. The twins (Matthew and David) are celebrating their sixteenth birthday today with a high voltage of Australian culture, yes… that’s right… an AC/DC concert in Melbourne.

At some point in the day, they will (or already have) enjoyed some Japanese food. Then of course, will get to rock out, to quite possibly, the most internationally well known Australian band. I myself am not really a concert kind of guy, nor am I truly that avid of an AC/DC fan, but, Matthew and David being those kind of people… well, I’m really happy for them and hope they have an awesome day.

Meanwhile, back on the home front, the Estonian’s are over, and we watched the opening ceremony of the 2010 Winter Olympic Games, also known as four hours of Canadian propaganda. The Estonians commented on how many Americans there where marching out of the gate, I in turn reminded them that our team only had to take a road trip to get there. I love the tropical countries that show up with that one guy, and all hopes of gold are riding on just his shoulders.

We’ll see if Australia can pull off any gold this year.

It was interesting I admit watching the opening ceremony in a different country, because, in the US, they always talk about how America will do in the games yada yada yady, and of course, just as you would think, Australia did the same thing. It was just interesting hearing it from a country that historically just does not perform at the Winter Olympics.

And to answer any and all of your questions, the only sport I have any interest in watching, is women’s figure skating, but I’m sure most of you already knew that. This reminds me, I really should look up when that will be on.

Richard is madly in love with the movie Pearl Harbor. And to his credit, as we sit here watching it, I must (painfully) admit… (sigh) it is not as horrible of a movie as I quite remember it being. I just really don’t like admitting to liking something by Michael Bay. Which, really sucks when it comes to Bad Boys I & II, because I totally love those movies, but they do have Will Smith in them, so that must be it (plus all the Miamian women in the back ground).

Tomorrow, we might or might not have work depending on the dryness of the soil around the orange trees… it’s really quite frustrating not knowing one way or the other, especially when it involves waking up at 5 am to find out. Either way, unless that girl from the supermarket calls, it will be a lonely St. Valentine’s Day.

Friday, February 12, 2010

Plums = Back Pain

Dirty Job #5 has left me with a very huge, new found respect to all you women who complain of back problems because God blessed you “too much”. We will return to this thought later, but first…

Let me back track a bit. My handler Michael the Orange Guy found us a job working with another Italian with several different types of fruits, but the fruit of choice for the day was, plums. I woke up at 5 AM, took my time doing my morning routine, and picked the Estonians up. We got out to our boss of the week’s place and got a quick run through of our task. We started at 6 am, which apparently turned out to be to early as the sun had still not risen above the horizon, nor had dawn fully broke. It wasn’t soon after that we saw the first glimmers of sun light advance to stuff out the lesser light of the moon.

Fruit picking… oh wow…

I know what you’re probably thinking, “Edward, you are a creationist… and your excellent at sinning… so… you should be awesome at pulling fruit off a tree right? And besides that, you’re Mexican aren’t you?”

Well, apparently, beliefs don’t mean much in terms of fruit picking, and no, I’m Honduran, which, using that argument works against me, because Hondurans have to go UP for bananas as opposed to down for strawberries. The thing about plums is, oh sure, there are bunch that are high and within perfect arm reach, but then there are also a bunch that involve going down to ground level. I wish I had an army of midgets. They could be so useful in these situations.

As displayed by Martin in the below picture…

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… we all wore a bag dangling from our front which would catch most of the fruit as we tore it free from the tree limb it was attached to. The excessive weight constantly growing and then subtracting and growing again, became a terrible strain on our backs.

With such weight on our front, and such pain of the bag straps digging into our backs and shoulder blades, the four of us now think we have a slightly better idea of what all you well endowed women have to deal with on a daily basis. I feel for you.

Don’t get me wrong, I still like the view, and, I don’t think you should de-augment the way God made you; I just can appreciate the pain you deal with. That is why I am in favor of a better built bra.

Our boss, Ray, was a fellow of good cheer. I’ve pissed off a lot of people in my day, but few have been so good spirited about it. I taught myself how to drive a forklift! Unfortunately, I took too long getting the fruit into the drive in fridge, and so the temperature rose to high. But, he still fed us nice cold watermelon every day.

Next week Ray has us working with his brother Jerry who has oranges, he promises it will be easier for us. I guess we believe him, I mean, oranges are bigger. I’ll let you know how it turns out.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Saints vs. Colts!

To be honest… don’t really care.

I do miss the fact that I won’t catch the Super Bowl, not because I’m so in love with professional football, but because…

It is the greatest day of the year for marketing people.

I am a business major remember, that means, I’m one of those guys who fast forwards through the show to get to the commercials and then I analyze and diagnose the crap out of them (my sister hates when I do that but it’s how I enjoy TV)

So anyway, thanks to the internet, I’ll be able to catch them all the next day. I’ll have my full review of Super Bowl adds later in the month.

Also going on today, two very important birthdays that helped shape my high school years (and by continuation the rest of my life)

First, a quick shout out to my old friend Justine, who quite possible put up with more of my crap then anyone who isn’t in the turtle group, or has the last name “Kiger”. Have a good 24th lap around the sun, and may you have plenty more.

Second and much older, and much more impactful, The Boy Scouts of America celebrates its One Hundredth Anniversary!

A hundred years ago today, the Boy Scouts of America was established, and forever changed American history. I joined October 28, 1998, got my Eagle Scout, and just as if not more importantly, made a group of lifelong friends. Besides teaching me a countless number of skills and lessons, it helped build my confidence. I realize how odd that might sound coming from an arrogant dick like me… but, trust me, deep down it’s true.



Have a good February 8th, whatever it is your celebrating, I’ll be out picking plums…

(for those of you thinking, wait, these days don't add up right? well, it's already the 8th over here while you finish off the last of the barbecue during the 3rd quarter over there)